An Honest Prayer

Ok, so Lord, please forgive me for not being more transparent, more vulnerable, more humbled, and more giving. I ask your forgivness for all of my sins. Help me to see what needs to go in my life and what needs to stay. Remove the weeds, so my garden may grow. I want to be closer to you, precious, Lord Jesus. Help me to walk closer to you daily, each day I start my day out with you, because you are before all things, and first in my life. I know and realize for a while now you have softly, gently, whispered to me, time and time again to" TRUST". I am, as you already well know, struggling with my insecurties, I am overwhelmed by the greatness of your calling upon my life. I know it is not about me, and everything about you, but most days I do honestly feel most, inadequate. Then I have to remind myself of your word that tells me not by my own power and strength, but by yours precious Lord. My weakness is perfected in your strength, all for your glory, honor, and praises. I know you lead, guide, and direct me in all things. You say so in your word that if I cast my burdens on you, you care for me, and your burden is light. You guide and lead me, in all things. You alone tell me where to go, what to say, how to behave, and exactly what to do, in matters of right, and wrong, and you tell me in your beautiful word. I am forever in need of your guidance Lord, for I am weak and you are strong. I know so often, I am responsible for the decisions I have made because you give us free will, and I do not always think things through, as I should, I tend to be more impulsive than I should really be. I do realize the results of my ill timed decisions and the consequences are overwhelming at times. I have chosen unwisely, so many times. I find it amazing that you take the things that I have chosen, that are truly, devastating, and horrid, and turn those situations around for good, for my own benefit and prosperity. I see that all things do really work for the good of the believer, who loves you. So the bad things that the devil throws our way, that we are misguided, and rebellious in choosing, the wrong path and sin, you turn all things around for our good. This is amazing! Thank you Lord. Oh, how we need your guidance Lord. I know I am hurting for bad decisions, I realize that I alone, am the one responsible for these results. I know I continue hurting myself in this repeated cycle, and must stop this on my own free will. I know I have prayed often for your divine intervention for you to close the door to the wrong path, just for me to keep knocking and banging on it, begging, until it is once again, open. You even tell me things in visions, and dreams dear Lord, and forewarn me of danger. I know I am extremely a mess of sorts. I need your divine intervention, I seek to know you more and to do your will, to answer your call upon my life. I realize I am extremely beyond depleted, and exhausted. I see this to be a good thing, because when we come to the end of ourselves, we realize how much you alone, recover and restore all things. You do turn our messes into messages, our tests and trials into testimonies. I want so much to help others, and I know I first have to allow you to have all of me, not just bits and pieces, or the leftovers after everyone gets there share. You need all of me, the good, the bad, the ugly, the hidden things, right along with the blantantly, obvious ones. You being Lord, is you having ALL of me. Sometimes I feel knumb and burned out, and this is from trying to do everything myself. You do not wish for us to do anything alone. We are not to be islands and isolate ourselves from the world, but rather be engaged, bringing your love to the world. I want to always see your truth. Open my eyes, break the chains, open my ears, my understanding, for I may give good advice to others, but until I take my own advice, and practice what I preach, then I am duplicient. This would be called hypocritical, and I do not want to be that. Lord mold me, make me into your image. Lord, take away all the yuck inside. I want to forever serve, and honor you, and love you 100%, for your glory, and Kingdom. I do not ever want to be lukewarm, or passive. So many times, we ourselves do not even know, or realize what we want. We are as little, children wandering, and never knowing. You know what is best for me, and Lord, I humbly give you everything I have withheld from you; everything, the good, the bad, the ugly, the secrets, the pains, scars, deep hurts, insecurities, the brokeness, wounds, disappointments etc; they are all yours. I give you all, to create what you will in me. You are my all, my everything; the very air that I breath. I know there is fire shut up in my bones. You make me a mighty, warrior for you. I know who I am, and whose I am! I am a daughter, of the most, high, King of Kings, and Lord of Lords. Jesus, you alone remove the stubborn willfull pride, and conceit. Take my life, it is not my testimony Lord, but it is screaming, with Your beautiful tapestry it reads, "FORGIVEN." <3