NOT LONG AGO……

I was going through so much at this time and was surrounded by doubt, fear, unbelief, anger and pure rage. I would say my heart was shattered into a million pieces but this doesn't begin to portray the fullness of the moment. The very air ceased to be and I could not breath. The dirt was not low enough. To say I was broken was a gross understatement. My world had fallen apart never to be the same. It was here in the darkest of days I felt the love of God stronger than I ever had. He picked me up, held me close, and never left my side. If He had not I would no longer be here. He chose to walk through this pain with me even with my anger, unforgiveness, questions, and pure rage. I didn’t want to believe it to be true but it very much was so. Once we see we see we cannot unsee. I was torn, ripped open, naked and exposed. I felt my entire life was a lie. The bottom dropped out of my world. Everything changed yet nothing moved. It was a very surreal moment that not only defined the present but encompassed the past and consumed the future. Every thought, choice, perception, and movement would be based on this revealing of truth. It was all too much for me to comprehend.

I had awoken to a new day blinders off fully aware of the all consuming battle before me. This day would be the end of childhood fantasies, hopes and dreams, fairy tales and happily ever afters. Instead it was a rising of anger, a taking up of arms and an embodiment of the full armor of God. Naive as I was I still had hope, faith, and belief in Jesus and no matter the cost, and great was the cost, I would run the race to the end. I would overcome to see myself as a truth teller, no matter the circumstances or ruffled feathers. I was on a mission and I was full of passion, resolve and resilience. I was an overcomer through the blood of the lamb and I was a liberator for Jesus Christ.

The anger grew, the bitterness, rage and unforgiveness expanded and the devastation was real. Families severed. Lives destroyed. Truth was more than I could take. Lies were easier to believe. God’sPrincess was born. This began the journey of forgiveness, understanding and the need to know why. This turned obsessive. We try to do things in our own strength and time. However it is not in ours but must be on God’s timing and His way, not ours. Being different is not easy. Being holy is not simple. Being authentic is sometimes very overwhelming and an impossible task to achieve. We get into trouble when we try to prove ourselves to others. We get into trouble when pride becomes our comfort. We must submit to God first and foremost. He alone works the bad for good. He takes the plans of the enemy meant for our destruction and turns them into our good.

(Living a life surrounded by pretentious lies, false masks, people pleasing, self righteous people insisting on speaking what they want to hear to make themselves feel better, not truth, is devastating. )We learn these negative habits and repeat the pattern. Being manipulative is wrong. Learning to be honest, open, vulnerable and real after being subjected to this environment is at least very difficult. BUT, with God all things are possible! Submitting our lives to God doesn't take all the yuck away in a moment. No, it takes hard work and real honesty with God, walking in relationship with Him. He forgives us. He causes us to overcome and heals us and it takes time. It is surrendering over and over again to Him. It is painful but so necessary. I’m sharing this to say to all who are broken and deeply hurt beyond words. Don’t give up! Keep fighting! Begin to trust yourself again and cry out to Jesus for He is right there waiting .

Thank you for saving me Lord on Calvary!

John 8:32 You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. ESV

Make me and mold me Lord into your image, Your will, Your way! You are the potter, I am the clay! Thank you for opening eyes, breaking hearts open, blinders off and truth to be set free from the chains of the evil one Hallelujah